unsaying

It is us
He is beautiful
And young
And his hair
Is perfect
And I am old
And he does not see me
And I pretend
that I am busy
Because
He is young
And I
Am drunk

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Wake up. Stand up, walk to the bathroom, turn on the shower. Set coffee brewing on stove. Get in shower. Shampoo, conditioner, wash. Get out of shower, wrap towel around self. Take coffee off stove. Iron shirt. Drink coffee. Put on clothes. Leave flat. Walk to tube station.

Touch in.

Walk to platform. Wait. Get on tube. Wait. Get off tube. Walk to platform. Wait. Get on tube. Wait. Walk to exit.

Touch out.

Walk to work entrance.

Touch in.

Walk to locker, remove laptop. Carry laptop to desk. Say hello. Plug in laptop. Log in. Perform work. Walk to door.

Touch out.

Walk to food vendor. Buy food. Walk to work entrance.

Touch in.

Eat food. Perform work. Say goodbye. Unplug laptop. Walk to locker. Place laptop in locker. Walk to door.

Touch out.

Walk to tube station.

Touch in.

Walk to platform. Wait. Get on tube. Wait. Get off tube. Walk to Platform. Wait. Get on tube. Wait. Get off tube. Walk to exit.

Touch out.

Walk to flat. Enter flat. Wait. Eat food. Wait. Go to sleep. Dream.

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Every time I think of something I want to do, I make a short note to make sure I don't forget it. These are in chronological order, with the earliest at the top of the list.

Story

Ingrowing hair

Typing 100 fucks

Twice a year

your v neck is too deep, motherfucker

feel the space you're in

sheeps head

an ocean of vomit

bookmark

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"Of nye greater weight, this sadness mine,

As when I ryde the northern lyyne"

C13th English poem, unknown source.

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In an accident.

You died later that year

I held your hand.

you pointed and laughed

When we saw the monkey's nuts

At the zoo

Do you remember

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Blue Streak, Black Knight. Our father and uncle. As dutiful sons we work shoulder to shoulder, securing the fortunes of our idols. Under burning azure and screaming floodlight, we build a secret love. Those who look up to us for protection are held away by checkpoint and coded transmission. Always at arms length - thriving on our bunker whispers and bar room songs. Like ants, we build both tunnel and hill, our directives innate and inarguable.

Blue Streak and Black Knight. Your curious mind, my unquestioning strength. Your celestial Queen, my ancient and pagan Earth. You came as my brother, with your plans and your instruments, to scorch the ground and tear the sky. You called, I came. I moved my world to your dreams and I found you inside, helpless and naked, in tweed and soft leather. I am the rough to your smooth, and together we shall sharpen this arrow. We draw a bow with one hundred and fifty thousand pounds of thrust. We can punch through to heaven, and return with a promise of death. With our fingers we can trace the end of the line, drawn with sharpened pencils locked into bloodless fingers. Yet on these thin white sheets, my own fingers are blackened by the burns of your work.

As you lie with your wife, I carve your calculations out of alloy and fuel. I am the decimal that dances on the edge of your mind while you watch your young son hold a toy to the evening sky. Before you wake, I am stealing the glare from your bright morning sun. You are my Blue Streak. And I am your Black Knight.

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On the wall was a large painted picture of monkeys having various kinds of sex in the jungle. It was called 'the garden of earthly delights' I think. I drank a beer, chatted with a lifelong friend about how we're both getting older and neither of us has achieved what we'd hoped to. I noticed that the drinks menu seemed to be purely focused on selling Smirnoff(tm). I had another beer. A Morcheeba remix was playing. We chatted about internet dating. Then I went home.

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